Have you ever seen those pathetic devil children who dress all in black, mope around like every day is a funeral, listen to G-d awful depressing music and write some the stupidest shallowest “poetry” in the known universe? Well those are “Goth” kids. They’re like the hippies of yesteryear, self-indulgent crybabies, reviled by society, reviled even by themselves. If your child displays any of the described tendencies you have a serious problem on your hands. Do not spoil the rod, even though your child may be lost already. Prayer and discipline is what you need to cure the goth disorder. Read on, concerned parents.
What Is Goth?
A website that specializes in exposing the goth menace puts it this way:
“The greatest threat to today’s society is the rise of the gothic subculture. Goth is a sinister and violent subculture obsessed with Satanism, Wicca, Vampirism, BDSM, rape, child abuse, Hitler, bondage, sick sexual perversions, serial killers, death, drugs, self mutilation and other sick practices to vile to mention. Goth’s are the Devil’s Children. In my opinion, Goths are more dangerous to children than pedophiles” – Rev. R.G. Green
Furthermore, there’s this:
THE GOTHIC LIFESTYLE CAN BE SUMMED UP IN ONE WORD – REBELLION. THE GOTHIC LIFESTYLE IS THE ULTIMATE ACT OF REBELLION. IT IS A LIFESTYLE DESIGNED TO SHOCK AND DISGUST, TO REPULSE AND HORRIFY. IT IS A REBELLION AGAINST SOCIETY, REBELLION AGAINST THE NORM, REBELLION AGAINST PARENTS. IT IS REBELLION AGAINST G-D.
What’s particularly funny about goths is that they think they’re somehow unique. Some kids become rockers, others preppies, others jocks and the dregs become goths. Although they are just another, albeit more destructive, clique, they seem to think they’re somehow non-conformists. Of course to become a goth, one has to dress just like the other goths, listen to the same music and write terrible poetry. Wow, how brave! How noble! What a bunch of sheep, black sheep, being led to Satan’s slaughter. I think the correct word is “pathetic.”
Roots of Goth
One of the rock groups that inspired the “goth movement” (similar to a bowel movement) was the ironically named “Joy Division.” Named after the “joy divisions” in concentration camps, Jewish women used as sexual playthings by the Nazis, their “music” was anything but uplifting. It depressed its fans to the point that they began dressing in all black, thinking suicidal thoughts, crying about nothing and drinking human and animal blood for the fun of it.
The leader of this monstrosity must have recognized the impact he was having and found a solution: he promptly hung himself in his mother’s kitchen. Thanks, mom. But the damage was already done. Nearly 30 years later we’re still haunted by the legacy of Ian “Emo” Curtis.
The remaining members of the band picked themselves up and formed New World Order and abused their former fans with sugary dance pop. But the hunger for more and more depressing and talentless hacks was already embedded in the goth hive-mind. Now just about any moron can don a black cape, strum a guitar, pound on a keyboard and wail about the futility of life and the self-indulgent wrist-slashing “emos” come running, dressed for a funeral of their own pathetic souls.
Perhaps the roots of goth go further back than the late seventies caterwaulings of Joy Division. KISS (Kids in Service for Satan) had been donning pale makeup and dressed in black years before. But unlike the heavy rock Satanism of KISS, Joy Division refined the bleak sound and depressing lyrics that inspired thoughts of suicide in all who dared listen. What a horrible legacy.
Another band that these societal misfits seem to like is Bauhaus, which is not an art movement, but an exercise in mediocrity. None of them knew how to play their instruments when they started and still had not learned a thing by the time they split up, hopefully for good.
Also popular is The Cure. And it seems The Cure is worse than The Disease. The less said about this whining make-up wearing heroin junkie, the better. He originally began smearing lipstick about his face to cover up his facial herpes. Soon his dozens of fans started to emulate their talentless idol, smearing lipstick on and getting venerial diseases.
Goth hasn’t changed much since the beginning. Thirty years later, its adherents are just as depressing, just as hateful and nearly as outcast. To become a goth is to guarantee a ticket to Hell, sped along quite rapidly by their unemployability and suicidal tendencies. You’ll know a goth when you see one, black clothes, black makeup, dark demeanor, and soulless eyes. They tend to gather in flocks, but by taking a good run at them with a stick, they can be made to scatter. Even an employment form or religious tract can make them flee in horror.
My Child Is a Goth, What Can I Do?
Throw away their makeup, burn their closet full of black clothes, fishnet and lace. Search their possessions for drug paraphernalia — it’s there. Throw away their cigarettes (including those revolting clove cigarettes from Indonesia). Snap those depressing CDs in half and get them to a local church group. Trash those Satanic black candles and incense, used to call Beelzebub from his flaming pit. Get rid of everything that will remind your child of his or her gothic descent.
And this is important: plan on having another child as soon as possible. Your goth kid is probably lost forever. Reflect on where you went wrong and correct those mistakes with your next bundle of joy. There is a division from joy in every goth kid. Goth is a mental disorder. Goth is emo. Don’t let it happen to you.